oh yes, i'm totally stucked in my own confusion.
so today was last day of school.
and i went to school early in the morning,
no not to wave byebye to my friends.
i can still see them in school next year.
but to get my report slip.
which, supposedly able to get it within 30minutes (maximum) if the teacher reached already.
but i ended up sitting in the classroom like some sleepy pig for like 2 hours.

finally got my results.
ms dianah said, " wenxin, you are only good in your humanities. "
i said, " ya. "
she said .. something in between that i forgot.
the rest are not important for you guys to hear.

and i know that my science is bad.
not bad, it's just no good.
and i dont know what's the main reason.
might be because i'm lazy.
might be because i'm really stupid.
might be because sometimes i dont pay attention in class,
and i know that's VERY important.
might be because ( all of the above reasons. )
oh no, it better not be all the 3 reasons.

and anyway,
so she said that i actually can appeal to study pure science,
i didn't know if she was referring to triple or double.
because i only screwed my science this term.
and last time i got an A2.
she said that i would have gotten into triple science stream if not for my science this term because my percentage is over 70%.

and then so,
i'm left with a decision with choosing to study double science or combined.
and i'm totally confused.
and just went i was hoping, like totally hoping, i was totally at lost of what to do, i asked for "advice" from my sister and my mother.
no, not my father.
he dont seem to be 10% cared about my results.
he even asked me, " is there a need to appeal? "
iamspeechless at that.
my sister said, " a leopard never changes its spot. "
and i dont freaking care what she was trying to mean.
but to me, it meant that i will still be lazy next year.
and my mother can even tell me this,
" this morning i was still thinking eh, what if your results continue to slip then you can have a place in ITE already? "
and her face was totally serious.
she already thought THAT far.
something that i have never ever thought of in my entire life.
ending up in ITE.
i dont even think of it, and she does.
and again, iamspeechless.
i bet she doesnt even worry a god-damn shit about my sister's result.

and IF that was their way of motivation.
they completed failed.
like fail badly,
given the award of lousiest method of motivation ever.
they are just making me feel smaller, minute, insignificant, stupid, dumb, hopeless, useless, crap, junk, shit.
and sometimes i ever wondered, like seriously, did i probably somehow brought shame to the family?
oh god.

and they keep on asking me to work harder.
WORK HARDER.
WORK HARDER.
come on la, you think what.
working hard that easy?
i dont want to end up having a pathetic life having to mug all day long,
and when i finally grow up, got a job and i look back and i'll probably be slapping myself asking myself why did i spend my four years mugging, and mugging and mugging?
....
okay, i wanted to say something nasty.
but i decided to keep it to myself.

and that brings me to another thing.
you see, my parents got two kids right.
obviously, one smarter, and one not as smart.
in other words, one is smart, the other is dumb.
i wonder if ever in their lives, did i appear to have any good points to them.
dont tell me i initate to wash the dishes, that's bullshit.
my dad thinks i have attitude problem.
just because i get pissed off normally when he talks to me.
who ask him to talk to me in the morning?
i totally hate to open my mouth to talk in the morning.
who ask him to ask stupid question?
okay, maybe he just want me to know like, he is home or something, but cant he ask some so not surface questions?
who ask him to even have to scold me when i dropped a piece of FOOD?
FOOD, for holy heaven's sake.
f-o-o-d.
and my mother.
my mother..
my mother..
cant really think of any.
apart from she thinks i'm freaking lazy.
itchy hands.
and probably more,
but i dont want to be digging them out of my brain.

anyway, ya, i know my sister is like much smarter than me.
but i dont aim to be like her.
i dont need or want her results,
or her face,
or her figure,
or her brain,
or her ability to do things that i can't.
or her attitude,
or her whatever that she has that i do not.

that's not the main point.
i just want to know,
how my parents think about me.
or rather,
do they even see any positive points in me?

HEY, your read until here liao ah,
i'm not trying to be emo for heaven's sake.
emo posts dont really sound like that.
they probably sound like.
" i'm so sad, sad sad sad. i want to cut myself. OR i already cut myself. "
ah, whatever la.
i dont come across emo people often.

and so the conclusion of the entire post is.
i'm still confused.
actually all those thoughs didnt help me at all.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
i guess it's up to me now.
my own decision.
they are not helping me.
:D

___________________________________________________

back to watching

蜂蜜幸运草 ( honey and clover )

and
任森田 is hahahahahaha! funny.

oh yes, i'm totally stucked in my own confusion.
so today was last day of school.
and i went to school early in the morning,
no not to wave byebye to my friends.
i can still see them in school next year.
but to get my report slip.
which, supposedly able to get it within 30minutes (maximum) if the teacher reached already.
but i ended up sitting in the classroom like some sleepy pig for like 2 hours.

finally got my results.
ms dianah said, " wenxin, you are only good in your humanities. "
i said, " ya. "
she said .. something in between that i forgot.
the rest are not important for you guys to hear.

and i know that my science is bad.
not bad, it's just no good.
and i dont know what's the main reason.
might be because i'm lazy.
might be because i'm really stupid.
might be because sometimes i dont pay attention in class,
and i know that's VERY important.
might be because ( all of the above reasons. )
oh no, it better not be all the 3 reasons.

and anyway,
so she said that i actually can appeal to study pure science,
i didn't know if she was referring to triple or double.
because i only screwed my science this term.
and last time i got an A2.
she said that i would have gotten into triple science stream if not for my science this term because my percentage is over 70%.

and then so,
i'm left with a decision with choosing to study double science or combined.
and i'm totally confused.
and just went i was hoping, like totally hoping, i was totally at lost of what to do, i asked for "advice" from my sister and my mother.
no, not my father.
he dont seem to be 10% cared about my results.
he even asked me, " is there a need to appeal? "
iamspeechless at that.
my sister said, " a leopard never changes its spot. "
and i dont freaking care what she was trying to mean.
but to me, it meant that i will still be lazy next year.
and my mother can even tell me this,
" this morning i was still thinking eh, what if your results continue to slip then you can have a place in ITE already? "
and her face was totally serious.
she already thought THAT far.
something that i have never ever thought of in my entire life.
ending up in ITE.
i dont even think of it, and she does.
and again, iamspeechless.
i bet she doesnt even worry a god-damn shit about my sister's result.

and IF that was their way of motivation.
they completed failed.
like fail badly,
given the award of lousiest method of motivation ever.
they are just making me feel smaller, minute, insignificant, stupid, dumb, hopeless, useless, crap, junk, shit.
and sometimes i ever wondered, like seriously, did i probably somehow brought shame to the family?
oh god.

and they keep on asking me to work harder.
WORK HARDER.
WORK HARDER.
come on la, you think what.
working hard that easy?
i dont want to end up having a pathetic life having to mug all day long,
and when i finally grow up, got a job and i look back and i'll probably be slapping myself asking myself why did i spend my four years mugging, and mugging and mugging?
....
okay, i wanted to say something nasty.
but i decided to keep it to myself.

and that brings me to another thing.
you see, my parents got two kids right.
obviously, one smarter, and one not as smart.
in other words, one is smart, the other is dumb.
i wonder if ever in their lives, did i appear to have any good points to them.
dont tell me i initate to wash the dishes, that's bullshit.
my dad thinks i have attitude problem.
just because i get pissed off normally when he talks to me.
who ask him to talk to me in the morning?
i totally hate to open my mouth to talk in the morning.
who ask him to ask stupid question?
okay, maybe he just want me to know like, he is home or something, but cant he ask some so not surface questions?
who ask him to even have to scold me when i dropped a piece of FOOD?
FOOD, for holy heaven's sake.
f-o-o-d.
and my mother.
my mother..
my mother..
cant really think of any.
apart from she thinks i'm freaking lazy.
itchy hands.
and probably more,
but i dont want to be digging them out of my brain.

anyway, ya, i know my sister is like much smarter than me.
but i dont aim to be like her.
i dont need or want her results,
or her face,
or her figure,
or her brain,
or her ability to do things that i can't.
or her attitude,
or her whatever that she has that i do not.

that's not the main point.
i just want to know,
how my parents think about me.
or rather,
do they even see any positive points in me?

HEY, your read until here liao ah,
i'm not trying to be emo for heaven's sake.
emo posts dont really sound like that.
they probably sound like.
" i'm so sad, sad sad sad. i want to cut myself. OR i already cut myself. "
ah, whatever la.
i dont come across emo people often.

and so the conclusion of the entire post is.
i'm still confused.
actually all those thoughs didnt help me at all.
hahahahahahahahahahahaha.
i guess it's up to me now.
my own decision.
they are not helping me.
:D

___________________________________________________

back to watching

蜂蜜幸运草 ( honey and clover )

and
任森田 is hahahahahaha! funny.